Tuesday, 23 October 2012

I Wanna Live My Life Alone.

I knew shew love that guy and not me. Just knew it. I'm so stupid and now I hate myself to death. Now I'll just live my life alone. And I don't want to love a girl anymore unless the girl is not a liar.
Forever Alone

Saturday, 1 September 2012

Wo Yi Chi

"Wo yi chi"
I remeber that word. She taught me that word. It means "I've eaten"..

..."Goodnight biy. I love you <3."
"How should I continue my happy life if without you...I can't imagine it."

You're the apple to my eye,
You're the staw to my berry,
You're the smoke to my eye,
You're the one I wanna MARRY <3.

Aaaah~ I still remember the text she sent to me. It made me feel happy and I can't describe the joy. Soothing, blissful, touched....and many more that I felt that time. I still remember her text: 

"Muhammad Yusoff Syah Zakaria thanks for everything you do for me :) I love you,biy...biy it's our 3rd monthlyversary <3 I hope it will continue to our wedding day and forever :) I love you <3"

"Wanna know something? Everytime you text me, I smiled. Hehehee.."

"Hahaha.. I want you,biy <3"

"If you're not busy text me okay ^^"

And those are some of her text to me. Then, a few weeks after that, a thing happened... Below is one of her text that really made me happy yet so sad:

"Yusoff, I'm so happy because I have you. But I have a goal to achieve for my life. 1 day if you've become successful, don't forget me :). Today I will stop everything with you. Forgive me. Do the best for your exam. I promise, you're the last in my life. Thanks for everything... Kalau ada jodoh,tak ke mana... Remember that! Take care, I'm sorry. Don't reply this text, I have thrown it away and I can't take it back. Don't change your number okay? I'll look for you 1 day. Good luck. sorry. Byebye."

Well...that's the only thing I can share. To be honest, I'm a sensitive guy and I cried while reading the old texts from her. I just can't stand it. I don't mind being so far away from her but I'm afraid to lose her from my life. I can't bear it if that happens. I just CAN'T BEAR it. I love her with all my heart even though I know that she must have a crush on someone else. I'm pretty sure of it.

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Can't Concentrate

Great. Tomorrow is going to be the first day of my trial examination. I am studying but my brain can't download any of the information. Man~ the pain is strong and I can feel some holes on my chest. I wish that she will call me tonight to give me some strength to study for tomorrow.

She's the reason I checked my phone for her text every 10 minutes. But I'm sure she don't even give a damn about me. T_T

Thursday, 16 August 2012

I Can't Sleep

I can't sleep till now and I made a promise to myself that Meiy is the last girl I will love.


It's Just What My Heart Says

Well hey viewers! Hope you guys are fine. So as usual, I miss my girl so much. To be honest, if she got married with someone else in the future, I will continue my life as a bachelor guy until the day I die, coz once a girl loves me, I will love her more than she knew. These may sound ridiculous but I'm serious.

OMG!!! She just sent me a chat. AAAAA!!! I'm so happy. It's been a while since we chat on facebook. Aaaah~ I still remember the first time she sent me a chat. It was funny though ^_^. You see, the thing is...I have high hopes for her but she seems don't have high hopes on me. I'm a bit sad about it. But it's okay...I can wait for her as long as it takes. Still, I hope that she'll be my first and my last wife.

Viewers, please pray for me that I will get a fine job in the future. A job with high salary so that I can continue with my life alone if she won't marry me.

To those who are still searching for your love ones, please make sure that he/she really loves you and willing to be with you till the end. And I, will pray for your happiness. And please don't hurt each other. If there's a misunderstanding in your relationship, please do not argue and blaming each other. Just have a talk. Explain one by one, okay.

Btw, this is my one and only girl. I love her so much <3.
I love this photo of her ^_^

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

I Will Always Love My Girl

Hi. So during my emotional time I started to watch Winter Sonata again to somehow release my sadness. But actually it got worst. The sadness doesn't seem to disappear.

Now when things got right again between me and her, I still watch the drama until one night she text me "Biy, I love you.". Oh my...How happy I was that night to read her text. My tears streaming down my face like waterfall. I was so touched on that moment. And then a few minutes after that she called me. And we talk for about 30 to 40 minutes. Only Allah knew how happy I was during that moment. No words can describe my happiness. 

But a few weeks ago she told me that on the 15th or 16th of september maybe...she will move Edinburgh to live there with her brothers coz her parents had passed away last month. I'm speechless. We've just planned to meet each other at Kuala Lumpur after our final exam. But things turn out to be like this. So what can I do...I'm just a human. I can't turn the time backward. So now my plan is to get excellent result for my final exam and hope for offers to continue my studies overseas. Wish me the best guys. I really want to meet her and live my life with her. 

My beloved Meiy, I love you so much dear ^_^. Only Allah knows how much I love you. Goodluck with your studies and final exam,okay.

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Tiring Day Without Her

Dear blog, last night I called her and we spend only a few minutes on the phone coz I ran out of credits. I tried so many time to redeem my SOS top-up but unfortunately the line won't give it to me last night.

Anyway, I continue playing warcraft III with my cousin until 7.00 a.m. After that I just set-up my place to sleep coz I let my cousin sleep in my bed. I went to sleep at 8.30 a.m and woke up at 10.20 a.m. But before that, the shit-est thing happened. The SOS top-up arrived at 6.00 a.m. Great -_-!

But somehow I felt calm and peaceful again in me when I talked to her last night. I could feel my self again. If she were here right now I wanna hug her and never let her go.

After I've done with my tuition class at 1.16 p.m., I called her to apologize about last night. But it seemed that she turned off her phone. I tried to reach her so many times but it was just the same. No answer. 

After that, my dad arrived with my cousin. They picked me up and took us to Village Mall to watch The Dark Knight Rises. But only me and my cousin who watched the movie. The movie was fantastic! Lot's of action and surprise. But I hate the suspense part where batman almost got killed by Bane.

Pity Bruce.... He always got dumped by the women he loves. And in this movie it's worst. He was betrayed! Argh! Bruce, I feel your pain, bro.

During the movie, I always take a look at my phone every 15 minutes in case there was a text or a call from my girl even though I knew that she will not return my calls. Well, the best part is...I kept imagine that she was beside me resting her head on my shoulder. Hehe... I know, you guys must think that I'm like a crazy person. Sorry readers, it's just that I miss her so bad :(

As soon I arrived home, my mom was standing at the door waiting for me and my cousin. I thought that she was about to scold us but then she asked me and my cousin to go with her and my cousin's parents to my aunt's home at Penang Island to open fast. Man~it was such a tiring day... So, in the car, I don't know what to do. Usually I will listen to some song with my mp3 but unfortunately it has malfunctioned. Stupid mp3. And so I just hoped that she will magically text me at that time until I fell asleep in the car. 

At my aunt's house at Penang Island, my mom and her siblings have a great and long chat until I felt really tired. My head just telling me to call her and then have a long sleep. But just who am I to change the situation. I'm not a god.

So, now I just arrived home and about to sleep. Just a few minutes ago I tried to call my girl but still....she turned off her phone. Well, Meiy, if you just happened to read this, I wanna wish you goodnight and have a sweet dream tonight. Sleep tight, girl. I love you and I really miss you so bad T_T.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Continuous Dream

Aaah~ just got back from school. Today I arrived home late coz I was studying Additional Maths with some of my friends. The trial examination is just around the corner so I got to study hard. 

My class ends at 2.30p.m today. Well,as usual I always look at my phone if there is a text from my girl and I always take a look at her picture before I go on with my next activity. I miss her so much until when I fell asleep in the class, I always dream of her going out with me. Every time. Seriously. But I know...that won't change the situation. Man~I really can't accept that fact. 

Whatever it is, I'll never stop praying good things for her. Until then, bye bye readers.

Don't Jump to Conclusion Straight Away

Oh god...why that it has to be like this. Last night she called me. I was shocked at that time because 10 minutes before that I was thinking about her whether she's in good health or not and if I can just hear her voice again. What I mean is I really need to talk to her at that time to tell her everything that I want her to know. 

Well, the truth is, she still loves me. She said that to me. Man~I'm such a jerk to jump straight to conclusion. That night... we talk she told me that her mother had passed away. A few weeks before, her father. Now she's living her life with her brothers and sometimes with her aunt. What a life. I feel so sad for her... If only I'm a richman's son, I would have gone to her place to pay a visit for her. To accompany her to her parent's grave. But unfortunately... I don't belong to a rich family. I'm just an average guy that act like a rich dude. Pathetic isn't it. Yeah, I know :(

Anyway...I seemed to have misunderstood about what she had done. But still...I feel the pain. My heart is full of sorrows. One thing that I can't stand to hear was that she is moving to Edinburgh after this coming trial examination. I wonder if she will still love me when time passes by... I hope one day all my prayer will be fulfilled by Allah. If you guys wanna know what I always pray for her are...well, I always pray that she will be a successful women when she has finished her studies, pray that may Allah protects her from any danger, pray that she will be my wife one day, pray that her heart,mind,and soul are in peace, and much more. To make it simple, her name is always in my prayers. Man~ i sure miss her a lot. I long for her.

Okay, I'm sleepy right now. One thing that I promised myself is I will search for her one day even if it takes me years and living my life alone. But anyhow I have to focus on my studies first. If not, I'll not going anywhere. And I'll write a song about her one day. Just wait and see. Okay then, I'm going to sleep right now. Good night readers and good night my girl (hope she hears it in her dream). 


Saturday, 21 July 2012

I Can't Feel My Soul Anymore

Well...tonight is the end. She didn't tell me anything whether she still loves me or not. But her action showed that she loves her ex-boyfriend more. 

First she said her love for me was growing stronger. Now....her love for her ex-boyfriend is getting stronger everyday. And me...all alone again. In my dark and cold world. I knew that I can never be anybody's partner. Especially to the girl that I love.

You guys must be thinking why the hell did I mention these things. Well guys, I can't feel my soul anymore. I wish I were something that doesn't have a live..like a data or a wind..or even soil, so that I don't have to bare this pain.

What do you feel when somebody gave you hope and then she just leave you for another guy just like that without a word? Exactly. That's what I'm feeling right now. The pain in your heart. Now only I know the pain. It just keep slicing your heart and as if you apply concentrated acid to your skin. Damn~it hurts a lot. 

Anyway...back to the story. I just knew it that she doesn't need me anymore. I know that I'm not perfect. I'm still studying, act like a child sometimes...I'm not rich...She just knew me for about 4 months and her ex-boyfriend for 3 years. If only I don't exist, everybody will be happy. And you guys would not even have to read my pathetic story of my life. 

Sometimes I feel like I wanna poke my eyes until I'm blind so that I can only hear things. So that I would not see that my beloved girl is loving someone else. And I wish...that my life is short. Hope I will get a cancer so that I know how much time I still have to live in this world of lies and betrayal.


Dear blog.... Last night I'm so hurt until I cried and scream without a sound. I won't stop loving her if she still want me and need me to be by her side forever. Remembering everything she'd told me...all the sweet words....it hurts me a lot. You can't even imagine how it was. I just can open my mouth and scream and cry...and all that are without a sound. Silent.

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Don't know what to talk about. I'm so sad and frustrated. When I finally found a good girl for me, my relationship with her was always hanging suddenly. When I am loyal to her...she still have feelings for other guy. I'm so pissed off and really can't stand the sadnness.
How could she. Well,I hope she loves her life.

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Don't Know What to Do

My girl just text me a few hours ago and she said that she has just lost her dad. He was involved in an accident. Man~I feel so sorry for her. But I don't know what to do. I called her just now but she off her phone.

One thing I saw in her text was she said that we can't continue anymore. Owmaaan~ T__T. Beside feeling sorry for her, I'm soooooo so so so sad. I just don't know what to do,man~ T__T.

Dear, I'm so sorry for you :(

Tuesday, 29 May 2012


I know it has been a while since I last updated my blog. So...hello again readers. I hope you all are fine. hehe.... Anyway, lets get straight to the point.

Well actually a week before the school holidays my girlfriend told me that she will be going to Edinburgh on the 30th May. That time... I still feel like it will be fun. If only I can go there with her... But now...I miss her so much. I don't know how to describe. There's a few hours left until she takes off to Edinburgh.

I have a lot of things to tell her but it seems that I just can't spit them out. I love her so much until I feel that she's with me everyminute. I know it's weird for some of you but I love that feeling.

Meiy...be a good girl and do take care of yourself, okay. I love you very much, sayang ^_^

Sunday, 25 March 2012


Hey readers! WHussuuuup!!! Hahaha! I'm kinda crazy today... It's been a while since I updated my blog. Today I'm gonna tell you what had happened to me a few weeks ago...

As you all know, during the holidays I was having problem with feelings... You remember the girl that tried to flirt with me? Yeah... She's now my girl. To shorten things up... That night she cheered me up a bit....but still...the effect was big. She's a chineese girl. She's really nice to me and there's something about her that makes me think that she is the loyal type ^_^.

Honestly now I feel better and I'm so happy to have her by my side. Seriously I hope you guys don't mind coz I wanna say that I Love Her So Much! And of course...I love my family too... Coz they were the one that taught me how to treat a girl and be gentle with girls. Thank you my sisters! ^_^ Love you guys.

Now...I just keeps praying that my relationship with her will never be ended. Amin... ^_^

Friday, 16 March 2012

I'm a Liar. Oh my T__T

Well, another day another story...

Yesterday she asked me "I knew it, you're not okay right?". Yes, I'm not okay. But I said to her that I'm okay. I LIED. Don't get me wrong...I really don't want her to feel guilty for me... Coz if she's guilty, automatically I'll feel the same way too. Then came the night where I just feel that I can't lie to her anymore. So I told her that what I said during the day was a lie.

Yusoff,you're such a fucking liar! Awman~I hate myself now.

Anyway...the thing is, I still love her and I don't mind if our relationship is just friends but I just don't want her to feel guilty for me... That's all. That's what I want her to feel. Not feeling guilty at all. Readers, to be honest, I think I'm the one who should be blame on this... I mean...I should've response to her text by not showing any sign of disappointment eventhough I AM a few days ago. But it has happened. I can do nothing about it. Coz I don't like people being miserable because of me. That's why I lied to her.

Now...I hope you readers can help me to make things all well like before... I mean... What should I do to make things right again? Where she didn't feel guilty towards me...

Anyway, I'm sure you readers are wondering about her boyfriend, right? Well... I'm happy about it coz he's the only one right now that can make her happy (actually I'm neither happy nor sad). I hope he will never make her cry.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

It Ends Tonight

So...hey! Whussup! Guys, I just text her a few moments ago. Actually I saw her relationship status on her facebook profile and I found out that she's already in a relationship with a guy. I thought she was just joking. So I asked her about that just now. And It turned out....she was not joking and she had been that guy's girlfriend for about a month ago. 

Man~ I waited for quite a long time for her answer. T_T... and it turned out to be like this? I'm so dissapointed. But I don't want to tell her that I'm so sad about it. So I just insert a fake laugh in my text to make her feel better.

She doesn't know how I defend myself from falling in love with a girl that tried to flirt with me and forcing me to ask her about the answer. It was such a test from Allah... All I can do now is....is...hmmm...nothing actually. But anyway we still friends. Still, I'm feelin akward eventhough as a friend. Well...it ends tonight.

Saturday, 18 February 2012

In January

Hey, readers! The previous month I was really busy with lots of stuffs. Homeworks, chores, my own weekend project and vacations. You see, there was a week where us students were given a holiday. Man I'm so excited to do my homeworks (at first). But one day, I went to Queensbay at Penang Island with my family. The thing is, I found a soldering iron. I was searching for it for about a few years and I've finally found it. So I took the opportunity to buy that stuff. 

Many ideas and plans crossed through my mind. Then, I decided to customize my Gundam. I was so obsessed with my project until I had forgotten to do my homeworks. Man I was crazy. AHAHHA! ^_^.

So, what I did was I took a fan from the cooling pad and attached it to my Gundam. Well of course I used the soldering iron to connect the electronics components. And it turned out quite impressive for me.

And for sure, my room was like being hit by a tornado.
 I also did a few adjustment on my guitar.


Well, when I went to school after a week of holiday, for sure I was scolded by my teachers coz I didn't finished my homeworks. Hehe ^_^!

Friday, 10 February 2012

She Made My Day Better

HahaAHahhaa! Haaaaa~ ^_^... Man~ I'm so happy.... Hehehe.... Ow, sorry I didn't notice you guys were reading this. Fine, I tell ya. Last night I text her. Quite a while. Everytime she send me a text, I feel so damn happy. Hehehe... Suddenly she didn't reply. I knew.....she was asleep.

Nevermind about that. The next morning she text me at 9.22 a.m. and she said my name. But i read it at 9.44 a.m. coz I was still sleeping at 9.22. Man that's so sweet of her. The moment I read it, my sleepy-ness was gone just like that, eventhough it was just a simple text. But to me it's more than simple. She made happy. I wish I could tell her how I love her. ^_^

Saturday, 14 January 2012


Okay, just a short post... A few minutes ago.....she text me. But I ran out of credits to reply... In her text she said "about the answer. err...". Just that was enough to make me nervous... Then I made a 'call me back' just to tell her that I ran out of credit.....and then she CALLED ME! I thought she wouldn't. OMG I'm so nervous T_T. I'm afraid if she would reject me... Let's just pray to Allah.

Thursday, 12 January 2012


Yeah~ I'm so into swimming now. Actually I started my swimming class when I was 7 years-old and I stop for about 9 years until I continue my lesson. Last time I was very good at swimming but now, it turn upside down. I no longer a good swimmer because of my small amount of stamina. It just sucks... I mean me of course...

Well....last year I started to swim again in order to obtain my long gone stamina... And this year I'm busy with my training and I will participate in a competition this 31st January. Man I'm so nervous... I'll be taking part in 50m freestyle. Last time I swam I stopped half-way. Shit!!! But I'll never give up eventhough I know I'm gonna loose to others anyway.

Wish me luck readers!! Thanks again for spending your time viewing my blog ^_^!

*i wonder how is my crush doing...*

Saturday, 7 January 2012

3rd January 2012 at 0049 Hours

*This is the only free time that I have to write new post.*
Yeah... I know you guys saw the title, right? Actually that is the time I called my crush.

So...you know actually I have text her before I called her. I asked her the permission to call her coz you know...I don't wanna disturb her in-case she was sleepy... Lucky me she's okay with it. And so I waited for about 15 minutes until I can call her coz she said that she's gonna take a bath for a while.

While she was taking her bath, I practiced how to talk to her coz I rarely talk to her in phone. And when it comes to propose her to be my girlfriend, I was getting more nervous, sweating and a lot of stuffs happened until I don't feel like going to bed anymore. Such nervousness! And so it's time for me to call her. Below are my reactions...

Monday, 2 January 2012

A Dream That I Shall Never Forget

It's nothing much, really. But it just made me happy last night. I've dreamed about her last night. She came to my house. Just visiting....and I'm actually communicating with her in my dream. Ow man, I'm so happy(tears flowing).

And I just wondering..... Let say if I propose her to be by my side which I meant to say to be my girlfriend, would it turn out to be okay? I mean..not just okay, but will she sincerely accept it? I'm planning to propose her tonight before midnight.

Hurry guys, I need your help. Please.

Lord I'm Doing All I can to Be A BETTER Man

Sorry for the "F" word.